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serialized -- by ~zaknafein:iconzaknafein:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Dark




1100010101.serialized.
--


and you throw another of your
serialized smiles
custom-made, guaranteed to
soothe the ever-seeking soul
of the next desperate target.

and he tries, as he's tried
too many times before
to trust the surface of lips
wrinkled by the incessant abuses
of one or another's hopes.

and she turns away,
[well of course she does]
and he understands,
[perhaps a bit late]
that he shouldn't have stopped,
[why haven't i learned by now]
that coming up for air
is utterly useless
when it rains so hard.


and she turns away,
flooded with senseless happiness
it leaks from her every move

spreading instants so full
and hours so empty, adding
one more layer to the shell.
©2003-2009 ~zaknafein
:iconzaknafein:

Author's Comments

simile.
=)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconpaintedangel:
~paintedangel Aug 26, 2003, 8:15:13 AM
Lovely and haunting. The pain is so evedent.
:iconpystdragon:
~pystdragon Aug 26, 2003, 8:29:50 AM
Fabulous. I absolutely love these lines:

[why haven't i learned by now]
that coming up for air
is utterly useless
when it rains so hard.

I hate when people don't post real criticism, but I can't find much wrong with this. Good work.
:iconsylvan:
~sylvan Aug 29, 2003, 5:32:21 AM
beautiful, there's nothing wrong i can point out about this poem, love the lines

to trust the surface of lips
wrinkled by the incessant abuses
of one or another's hopes.

very true indeed. you are on my devwatch now :)
:iconforeverhope:
~foreverhope Sep 1, 2003, 3:05:50 AM
Mmm, i love it. I'm impressed that you can employ poetic vagueness and still have the reader know exactly what you're talking about.

"spreading instants so full
and hours so empty"
Well said my friend

--
This was freedom. Loosing all hope was freedom...look up into the stars and you're gone. (Fight Club)
:iconyoshy:
~yoshy Sep 4, 2003, 6:41:14 PM
You've outdone yourself bob !
Love the comments btw; it adds a bit of " deepness" to it, like there was actually more than one person... errr... I don't know if you know what I want to tell or you just read what I wrote but anyway - You've outdone yourself bob ! Says it all

--
Spread the word: come and say Hi !
:iconlastfuture:
~lastfuture Sep 5, 2003, 6:15:24 AM
So very beautiful in all its desperation. I like it

--
-- lastfuture

GoogleTalk to me
lastfuture -> gmail.com
:iconselune:
~selune Sep 8, 2003, 10:48:55 PM
I agree, this is a good contribution to mass production and mass consumtion of smiles. And all the casual casualties...
:iconzaknafein:
~zaknafein Sep 9, 2003, 6:02:52 AM
Hu, just remembered your "campaign for a sincere smile" or whatever it was called... if you ever make a devpack of that matter, add my poem to it ;)
In the meantime, take this as my personal (yet unintended) contribution :)

Oh, and thanks a whole lot :D

--
attached --
~ecfc | ~industrialheaven

parted --
~deidre [my graphic side-account]
:iconselune:
~selune Sep 9, 2003, 6:52:28 AM
Oh, hehe, you remembered... :giggle: OK, I will take that as a "third party permission" or whatsoever ;)
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August 26, 2003
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